


A Lesson on Groveling

by Adillard



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:54:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27121417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adillard/pseuds/Adillard
Summary: Michael is ready to get back together with Alex, but his first shot at it fails miserably. After some sleep and some advice from Isobel, Michael gives groveling another shot.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 3
Kudos: 99





	A Lesson on Groveling

Alex seemed happier than he had been in a long time. Sometimes, when Michael looked at him for a moment, he could see the Alex from when they were 17. He laughed easier, smiled often, he seemed more confident in who he was. 

Michael had heard about the kiss with Forrest at the Wild Pony. And if Michael sat on that for a minute, really looked at it, he knew the idea of Alex being able to be _open_ and _physical_ with another man in public – when he never could with Michael – might sting a little. So, really he didn’t look at it too hard. He just let it settle in with the other pieces of evidence that Alex was healing and happy. 

But that had been weeks ago. And now that things had been settled with Tripp Manes and Michael’s mom, there wasn’t as much opportunity for Michael and Alex to spend time together with alien stuff as the pretense. Alex was currently preoccupied with still being in the Air Force and working with his brother to track down Clint and mentally rehab Flint. Michael had been hard at work trying to figure out this whole alien doppelganger business (one of Max was enough, honestly). 

So there hadn’t been time to rehash things. To talk. To have a moment for Michael to ask about certain things in Alex’s song. To apologize for his part in hurting them. 

He had been up all night, worrying the labels of beer bottles as he sat in front of the fire. Finally, around 8 or 9am (he really wasn’t paying good attention), he left for Alex’s. He knocked on the door a few times and then stepped back from it, pacing on the front porch while he gave Alex time to get to the door. 

“Guerin? Is everything okay?” Alex asked when he answered the door. His face was screwed up in worry. His hair was messed up perfectly and he was in loose-fitting drawstring pants that hung low on his hips, knotted up on the right side so that his crutches wouldn’t catch on them. He had no shirt on. No shirt. And even if Michael _hadn’t_ had too much to drink the night before and _had_ gotten some sleep, the way that Alex looked right now would have easily scrambled up Michael’s brain. 

“Yeah, I just…I came to talk,” Michael got out, and honestly he was quite proud of himself for being able to pull his eyes away from Alex’s body to focus on his eyes and produce real words.

Alex’s face looked confused. “Okay.”

Michael swallowed. “About me and you.” He looked at Alex hopefully, his proverbial tail tucked between his legs.

Alex’s expression turned irritated and angry and he started to turn his body back toward the door to the house. He was shaking his head. “There is no ‘you and me,’ Guerin. You’ve been making that abundantly clear for almost a year,” his said, voice cold and almost tired. “Also, I’m pretty sure my best friend is in love with you, so…”

Michael hadn’t expected that. He and Maria had broken up weeks ago, he was sure Maria would have Alex. He shook his head and took a half step forward to try to keep Alex from fully turning and going back inside. “Maria broke up with me.”

Hurt. That’s what took over Alex’s face, now. His eyes became wet, his mouth dropped open, shoulders tensed up, eyebrows pulled together. He was staring at the ground for a moment, seemingly trying to decide what to say. He lifted his head again and looked into Michael’s eyes. “That's why you came here?”

Michael started to shake his head and step forward, reaching his hands out to Alex. “No, Alex, I-"

“I know I've hurt you, Michael. I know that my family has done irreparable damage to yours. I know I don’t really deserve good things. But I never meant to hurt you. This isn’t fair.”

“No, that’s not-"

Alex had put up a hand, keeping Michael away. The tears had broken through and were rolling freely down his cheeks. He looked devastated and Michael’s heart was breaking. If he could just explain, it could be better. But Alex wasn’t having it. 

“I don't want to be your rebound from love lost, Michael. Please get off of my property.”

And then he went inside and closed the door. And Michael realized he was crying, too. 

\--

“Well if it isn't _Captain_ Manes!”

Alex chuckled and sat down on an empty barstool in the fairly empty bar. “Hi, Maria.”

“What brings you into my bar on this rather boring Tuesday evening, Alex?” Maria asked and Alex searched her face for a moment. He thought he would find sadness there. Maybe anger. _Something_ that would indicate her having just broken up with her boyfriend. But there was nothing, just bubbly and happy Maria.

Alex shrugged his shoulder a little and took a breath, willing himself to just say what he wanted to say. “Got a visit from a certain curly-headed cowboy today who told me you had broken up with him. You can imagine my surprise, being that he was the one telling me, not you.”

Alex had to give it to her, Maria looked rather sheepish and definitely sincere when she said, “I’m sorry. Why are you here right now and not, like, jumping his bones?”

Alex’s eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head, looking off at nothing in particular. “I don’t think I want to live in the shadow of Maria DeLuca,” he told her, finally meeting her eye and offering a small ( _sad_ ) smile. “I could never live up.”

Maria's smile faded and she tracked Alex’s features, concerned. “I love you for that, but you continue to underestimate yourself. Also, that is _not_ true- you are a goddamn _snack_ and a half and not only does Guerin know that, but the reason I broke up with him was exactly the opposite of what you’re saying.”

Alex laughed softly and shook his head incredulously at her. He very clearly did not believe her and was trying to move past everything she said. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I figured he would have told you already,” she said, but it sounded more like a question. She pressed her lips together and looked down for a minute and Alex didn’t press. He knew what it was like to want to gather your words before speaking. “Honestly, I'm shocked he just told you today. I would have thought he’d have told you weeks ago.”

Alex’s head snapped back in surprise. “Weeks ago?”

Maria swallowed and looked at him with pity in her eyes. It irritated him, but he pushed it away. 

“I broke up with Guerin when I was in the hospital. After CrashCon.”

Alex shook his head, confused. “Why?”

Maria took a deep breath. “I am _literally_ psychic, Alex. I had started to see that his and your connection was deeper than just a high school fling after I knew to look for it. But after I stopped wearing the necklace, my powers got stronger. It’s hard to be with someone who has a biological pull toward someone else, even if they are good at hiding it. You wouldn’t be living in my shadow, Alex, but I was already living in yours. Even if he didn’t realize it.”

Alex shook his head, his brain trying to process what she was saying. “I know it doesn’t happen often, but you’re wrong, here.”

Maria let out a humorless laugh. “Nope, still not wrong.”

Alex nodded. “Actually, you are. He loves you. And he has spent months telling me it’s him and you. There is no shadow, Maria. He doesn’t want me.”

Maria’s face softened for a moment, her eyes searching his face again. For what, he wasn’t sure, but she didn’t seem to find it because her expression turned to one of almost anger. “I know he loved me. But love isn't enough, sometimes, Alex. He wasn't just telling _you_ that he didn't want you, he was also telling _himself_. Trying over and over to convince himself that he didn't love you, didn't need you, didn't want you. But he _does_ and he just needed to stop holding onto me as his life vest and dive in for you.”

Alex swallowed, looking away again, contemplating. Processing. Maria started drying the clean glasses again, setting them off to the side as she went.

“I'm not going to apologize for what happened between Michael and I, Alex. I think it was good for both of us and I’m glad that I let myself love him. But I’m trying to focus on figuring out who I am, where and what I come from. And I can’t do that while trying to balance a romantic relationship. But more than that, Michael’s heart wasn’t mine to take. I know that now.”

Maria stopped drying a glass and reached a hand out to squeeze Alex’s on the bar. He met her eye for a moment before looking away before any tears could escape his eyes. 

He took a deep breath and squeezed her hand back, before standing up and starting to leave. 

“Hey,” she started, and he stopped and looked back at her again. “Remember. You fought for him. You asked him to come home. Now, you need to let him.”

Hearing his own words from the song he had written thrown back at him like that made him startle a little. But he nodded in understanding and then made his way outside.

\--

“What exactly did you think was going to happen, Michael? He’s a perfectly sweet cinnamon roll who takes the blame for every evil Manes, watched you fall in love with the evil step monster, and then wrote you a love song, which you openly rejected. Did you seriously think you could just show up at his house without some kind of groveling gift in tow and tell him his best friend broke up with you, so you guess you’ll settle on him, now? Come on, brother, it’s just cruel at this point.”

Michael had a headache and he knew that Isobel was right in everything she was saying, but he didn’t want to listen to it right now. He groaned and rubbed a hand across the back of his neck.

“I am not _settling_ on him, Isobel. That’s not what I was doing when I went over there this morning.”

Isobel raised her eyebrows. “Then what exactly were you expecting to happen?”

“I don’t know, to settle the past, maybe. To try and restart from square one. To let it be our time.”

Isobel let silence build for a minute. Then she said quietly, “That’s not what he heard, Michael.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Get some sleep. Go over there when you are sober and rested. Bring a gift. Be prepared to grovel. There’s no way he won’t take you back.”

Michael nodded and took a deep breath. He stood up from Isobel’s kitchen table and grabbed his Stetson, heading out. He stopped in the doorway and looked back at Isobel for a second. “We gonna mention the fact that you can’t keep calling Maria things like ‘the evil step monster’ anymore? She’s your family.”

Isobel rolled her eyes and shooed him away with her hand. “Family can be annoying, sometimes, Michael. Besides, between she and I, the feeling is mutual.”

\--

Wednesdays were the worst. Alex’s weekends were Monday/Tuesday, which made Wednesdays the absolute worst day of the week. He usually had to be on base by 0600 hours, which meant getting up by 4:30, so that he could do his PT, have some coffee, and get some kind of lunch together before he left the house. He didn’t usually get back home until at least 8pm, and that was on good days when he _didn’t_ have an ungodly amount of project errors and reports from his team from his days off. 

He almost always ended up going through a drive-thru on his way home and then watching Drag Race or Queer Eye for a couple of hours before he retreated to bed. Tonight, he wasn’t so lucky. It was 9 o’clock before he even left the base. Too tired to go through a fast food place, he went straight home and decided to maybe make a sandwich for dinner. 

When he pulled into up to his house, a familiar old pick-up truck was sitting in his driveway. 

Alex was fucking _exhausted_. If it were anyone else, he would likely have felt somewhat irritated or just tired to see them here. But it was Michael and Alex’s body and brain usually only had one response to Michael and that was happiness and safety. 

He started to laugh to himself when he saw the rose petals scattering the walk to the front door. He followed them along, laptop bag slung over one shoulder, removing his hat and slowly opening the door.

He was hit with the smell of garlic and cooked onions. He set his computer bag next to the door and continued in until he got to the kitchen. His breath caught. Michael was standing in front of the stove wearing a white, ripped t- shirt covered in stains and a pair of dark jeans held up by an embarrassingly large buckle. His hat was on a counter nearby, curls looking disarray. Two open beers sat beside two plates on the table, which already held corn and green veggies and potatoes. 

Balloons floated at the ceiling above the table, some saying “Get Well Soon" and one that had “Happy Birthday!” crossed out with “I’m sorry I fucked up" written in Michael’s handwriting. There was a balloon of a number 1 and a balloon heart. 

The pan in front of Michael was sizzling as he basted butter over 2 steaks with a spoon. His face totally concentrated, eyebrows pulled together and tongue pressed into his cheek. 

“Breaking and entering is still a crime, Guerin,” he said, his voice light but clearly portraying his confusion.

Michael startled a little and a smile grew on his face as he looked up at Alex. “What about ‘breaking and groveling’? Is that a crime, too?”

Alex laughed and shook his head incredulously. “What did you do, Michael?” 

It was said somewhat quietly. It was said rhetorically. But Michael finished what he was doing and moved the steaks to a cutting board. He wiped his hands on a dish towel and started walking toward Alex, his eyes searching Alex’s face. He was wondering if this was okay- if Alex was going to let him grovel or ask him to leave again. 

He must have found an answer in Alex’s gaze, because he slowly grabbed Alex’s hat from his hands and placed it on the counter with his own Stetson. 

“What are you doing?” Alex asked and his voice was holding back so much emotion that he wondered if he might break.

“I push people away. So that I’m not depending on anyone but me. I hold grudges and I keep everyone at a distance so that they can’t hurt me. Except for you,” he said and he met Alex’s eyes, his own wet with unshed tears. “Well, until recently. I know that I hurt you, Alex, and I’m sorry about that. I don’t really want to keep you at a distance anymore. I just want to be with you.”

Alex blinked a few times, knowing he was crying and looking off to the side to try to regain his thoughts and composure. He took a deep breath. “I, uh…I love you, Michael. But I don’t know if I want to be with you like this. Just because Maria-"

Michael’s lips were pressed together and he was shaking his head. “It has nothing to do with that! She and I, we tried, Alex! I gave it a shot and I did find love with her!”

Alex was flinching, starting to back out of the kitchen again, but Michael reached out and grabbed his forearm, trying to keep him there.

“No no no- I need you to hear me, Alex, I had to love her in order to understand what you and me have.”

Alex turned and looked at Michael, tears falling and eyebrows drawn tight together and it fueled Michael to keep going.

“Cosmic, remember? Like my mom and your uncle. Written in the stars. I could keep trying to deny it and put it away and pretend that I can totally love someone else and be perfectly happy the rest of my life, but Alex you know as well as I do that that’s not true! It’s you and me. We can’t do anything about it, even if we wanted to, and I don’t want to anymore, Alex. Can we be done with the tortured lust thing, now? Can I just be with you? Can we do that?” 

They were both breathing heavy, now, and Michael was still holding onto Alex’s arm like it was a lifeline. They searched one another’s faces for a moment. And something snapped into place for Alex. He could see that Michael was being genuine. Michael really did want to be with him, and it made him wonder if this could actually work out.

Not great with his words, Alex looked past Michael into the kitchen again and swallowed.

“What’s with the balloons?” he asked wetly. 

“I didn’t think flowers would be enough. And I couldn’t find a balloon that quite said ‘I am completely in love with you and I’m sorry I’ve been hurting us both by not fully embracing that sooner’.”

“Dinner smells good,” Alex said and wiped at his face. He met Michael’s eyes, feeling lighter than he had in a long time. 

Michael’s face softened and the hand that had been holding Alex’s arm reached up tentatively to grab at Alex’s neck. When Alex didn’t protest, Michael pulled him into a soft kiss, letting it linger before licking into Alex’s mouth. Alex groaned at the back of his throat and Michael broke the kiss with a smile. 

Alex felt a comfort and safety in this moment that he hadn’t since they were kids and navigating a new love for one another. And Alex was struck with this realization that they had been dancing around this thing for over ten years. No one could have ever filled the spot in Alex’s heart that Michael had carved out when he was 17. Maybe it really was the same for Michael. Maybe that’s what Maria meant when she said she was already living in Alex’s shadow.

“You make dessert, too?” Alex asked, leaning in for a shorter kiss and running a hand through the curls that his hands had been aching to touch for a long time.

Michael shrugged, his arms tightening around Alex’s waist to pull them tighter together. “I brought cinnamon rolls for dessert.” 

“What?” Alex asked, pulling away and laughing. 

Michael shrugged, his smirk in place. “Served 2 purposes. It’s what Isobel called you-"

“What the hell? Why?”

“Not totally sure on that.”

“And the second purpose?”

Michael’s smile turned dirty and Alex’s stomach flipped. “It will be appropriate to eat once we are ready for dessert tomorrow morning.”

Alex titled his head back and let out a loud laugh before he pulled Michael back in for another kiss. 


End file.
